Monday, January 31, 2011
Baby Magnolia
Waste of Time
I just learned that the past several months of agony may not have been worth suffering. I put so much effort into something that didn’t exist. I thought if I tried harder or confessed to my sins again or asked for forgiveness one more time that it might erase what I had done. But I think what I’ve learned is that no man deserves to hold the keys to your heart, because in the end, they’re just as sinful. I feel like I wasted my time. Not that I regret the efforts I made, but it would have been good to know they were worthless.
I believe there are reasons for everything, and it’s not worthless in that I’ll have learned some lessons from it, but wow. It would have been nice to skip most of it…especially the parts where someone acted like they had done no wrong, while rubbing my face in my mistakes - especially learning after the fact that they made the same mistakes. He had integrity and gave it up. What a stupid child. All the while I was confessing and repenting and facing what I had done wrong, and he took delight in ruining my reputation to people we barely knew. I wish all those people knew that he is not so perfect. He is so lost, and I wasted a lot of time and effort.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Update
My husband and I are separating and I met with my counselor today, who reminded me that to my husband, it's over....
So....
Looking for apartments is tricky. They seem either really expensive or really nasty. I know I will find something, but still looking.
Today I looked at a half a house, which was nicely maintained, but is a little expensive and I would need a washer/dryer and fridge up front. I'm going to take another look, because I think I need to get out of my house as soon as possible.
That's the latest.
So....
Looking for apartments is tricky. They seem either really expensive or really nasty. I know I will find something, but still looking.
Today I looked at a half a house, which was nicely maintained, but is a little expensive and I would need a washer/dryer and fridge up front. I'm going to take another look, because I think I need to get out of my house as soon as possible.
That's the latest.
When is a Couch More Than a Couch?
I found a nice couch on craigslist yesterday:
I was the first one to email the seller about buying said couch.
I have no truck.
I asked my husband to help...he lectured about putting the cart before the horse - You don't have an apartment yet; how do you know the couch will fit?
I don't know. But it's a nice couch at the right price and I'm going to need a couch.
But you always jump into things without thinking them through.
Yeah, but it's a nice couch at a good price and I'm going to need one.
But rather than fight, I emailed the seller and turned down the couch.
Which I still like, and would have probably been a good move.
I know there are other couches, but I am hoping to find a place where I make decisions and see them through, even if that means ending up with a couch that won't fit sometimes. Even that wouldn't be the end of the world.
I was the first one to email the seller about buying said couch.
I have no truck.
I asked my husband to help...he lectured about putting the cart before the horse - You don't have an apartment yet; how do you know the couch will fit?
I don't know. But it's a nice couch at the right price and I'm going to need a couch.
But you always jump into things without thinking them through.
Yeah, but it's a nice couch at a good price and I'm going to need one.
But rather than fight, I emailed the seller and turned down the couch.
Which I still like, and would have probably been a good move.
I know there are other couches, but I am hoping to find a place where I make decisions and see them through, even if that means ending up with a couch that won't fit sometimes. Even that wouldn't be the end of the world.
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